‘Goat Simulator’ for iOS and Android game review

Goat Simulator is a third person simulation game featuring, well, a goat. If that sounds silly that’s because it’s supposed to be. The game was made sort of as a parody of all the simulation games that came out in the last couple of years on Steam. Despite the nature of the game, it ended up being quite popular.

Although initially launched on the PC, the game was later ported to Mac and Linux and is now available on iOS and Android. Let’s see how it fares on the smaller screen.

Gameplay

Goat Simulator is a third person game in a physics sandbox world. You play as a goat and you can roam around in the world, wrecking things and causing mayhem.

The controls are quite basic. On the left is a virtual joystick to move the goat around and on the right you can adjust the camera and have buttons for jumping, headbutting, and licking things (yes). There is also a ragdoll button that just makes the goat collapse or get back up if you’re already down. Another button is Power, which appears for the additional goat models and it’s functionality depends upon the chosen goat.

You get points in the game for doing things like jumping, licking things, headbutting people and things, getting hit by a car, hitting a car, hitting things, and basically just about anything. The game gives you several objectives, which you can complete to get more points.

The game takes place in a really small sandbox world, which takes about five minutes to explore. The world is even smaller than the PC version and does not have one area in particular behind the gas pump.

There are some people in the game that you can headbutt but they just scream and fall down and there is not much point in doing that, as with everything else in this game.

As mentioned before, Goat Simulator is supposed to be a joke and is not really a serious game. It is deliberately buggy and wacky, and has some references and easter eggs thrown in for good measure. It’s made to elicit a couple of chuckles every once in a while but that’s about it. If you play it as a serious game, you would be disappointed because there really isn’t much to do here, at least not something that you won’t get bored of in about an hour. Nor is it particularly hilarious. It’s like one of those joke apps that you download for a few laughs and then delete it afterwards.

Graphics and Sound

The original game on the PC looked quite decent but the mobile version isn’t quite as good. The lighting in particular is very bland. It’s not a terrible looking game as such but if you’ve played the PC version the mobile version seems like quite a downgrade. The PC version also had much greater draw distance and would even load buildings and objects beyond the limits of the sandbox, which the mobile version does not. The upside to this is that the game is smooth and works quite well.

The sound is not much, either, but I liked the main theme music that plays in the background when you start the game, although it eventually fades away.

Verdict

Goat Simulator is a joke that will get a few laughs out of you every once in a while. Should you buy the game for that, though? Absolutely not. Even the developers themselves tell you to spend the money elsewhere instead of buying the game. Should you choose to buy it, keep your expectations to a minimum. Otherwise, just watch one of the many YouTube videos of this game for free and buy something else with your $5.

Rating: 5/10
Pros: Wacky, occasionally amusing gameplay
Cons: Not much to do in the game, not all that funny, expensive

Download: iOS | Android